• India N. Miles

Well Look At You Now — Guilty Inspired Post

There’s people who are never going to care about me. Like my parents or certain members of my family. I can accept that. It’s like I’m invisible to them. It’s like my success makes me invisible. I can feel their guilt and I hate it. Like why do all the mean and hurtful things to me to begin with. Then you wouldn’t have nothing to feel guilty about.

Feeling real detached lately from everything and everyone except myself. Been thinking about something’s lately like if I have kids of my own someday maybe that would stop me from feeling so emotionally numb. I’m real jaded. Love me or hate me at this point I get it. It doesn’t matter and it never did.

I’ve forgotten what it feels like to believe in anything anyone says. Jaded. My subconscious screams at me and then I see this hardened version of me and say see if you hadn’t gotten toughened up you’d still be in the gutter of other people’s opinions of you. Facts.

I know they are expecting me to be this beacon of hope preach’n this gospel with all smiles but all I got is this ugly raw truth. In this day in time everyone is searching everywhere for an escape from the truth. Not me. I’m running towards it and dissecting it and in the midst of it finding every remarkable thing about me nobody else cared to tell me.

They see it now, now don’t they. I was right there in your face telling you I was greatness and you laughed at me, abandoned me, withheld your helping hand from me. The difference is, I did something with all that rejection. I transferred it into motivation. I rationalized it and told myself they didn’t help me because I didn’t look like the type of charity they like taking pictures with and boasting about on their social media. I’m better off for not playing their game. I wouldn’t kiss the ring. I wasn’t popular enough for them to support my events. I wasn’t qualified enough to help anybody I couldn’t even help myself. I didn’t have enough credentials. I was a little too raw for them. I made them a little too uncomfortable. I was too...me.

Well look at you now — guilty. #BEST

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